Chapter 39
Standing at the grave site David thought to himself that it was a Tracey kind of day. Sun was out; the sky was that particular colour blue that she liked and a gentle breeze to keep the temperature in check. Yes she would have approved of this day. David could not remember much of what the preacher had said, he was numb, thinking that he had cried so much over the past few days that there were no more tears. The others got up to say their good byes but again he could not really remember what was said. That is until Hayden began. “I don’t have the words so I want to play this song.” He pulled a small recorder out of his pocket. The music began and not only did David crumble but it affected the others. Hayden had picked one of Il Divo’s songs to say his good bye. He had picked ‘Mama’.
Once the service was over David just stood looking down at the coffin as it was ready to be lowered into the ground. He placed a single daffodil on the top. “I Love you Ace.”

As they walked back to the guest house David asked Sue where Darrel was. She tucked her arm round David’s. “He finds it hard to deal with this sort of thing. Doesn’t know what to say to people so he takes off. He won’t be far away but he loved Tracey very much, you know that?”
David squeezed Sue’s hand. “Yes I do.”
“Seems a lot of people loved her.”
David gave Sue a questioning look.
“I have had quite a number of e mails from people wanting to know if they can come to pay their respects. Seems the news travelled fast. I think Tracey had an idea this may happen. She’s planned everything down to the last detail I just have to implement it if need be.”
David was curious. “How many e mails Sue?”
“So far over a hundred. And Reba says the web site is full of condolences and offers of help.”
Again David squeezed her hand. “After all these years and we still have fans like that. When we got married. ..” David stifled a cry. “We were worried that it would hurt the fan base but most of them seemed to be genuinely happy for us.”
“As they are genuinely grieving with you now. David this memorial service, it is up to you. If you don’t want it just say so.”
“I suppose it would not be right to stop others from paying their respects but I can’t deal with it. Where are we going to have it?”
“Here on the west paddock just passed the dam. That way we can control who comes and goes. If you want to go ahead with it leave it up to me ok. But David. You need to be here. You can’t leave yet.”
David looked at her shocked.
They stopped walking and Sue took hold of both his hands. “I know it is hard for you to be here without her baby, I understand, but you need to stay for two reasons. For the memorial service and for your friends. I know you just want to get on the first plane out of here but they will feel like you have abandoned them.”
“But I can’t do anything for them Sue. I can’t.”
“Yes you can. Be here for them. Just for a little while. Promise me this.”
Again David’s tears fell but he nodded his promise. In reality he wanted so much to just run as far away from the property as he could. He and Tracey had spent so many happy times here it just hurt. He wasn’t sure that when he did leave if he would ever be able to come back.

The others had gone back into the guesthouse and this had been David’s intention but once he got to the steps he changed his mind, he could not bear to see he friends in so much pain, and he didn’t know what to tell them. The love of his life was gone and he felt like a part of him had been taken. There was an empty space that only Tracey could fill and it hurt so much. He continued to walk and walk, finding himself at the same billabong where Sue had told him Tracey was dying. David stood gazing into the water. “Why now Tracey? I need you so much, we were made for each other, we fit so well together.” He began to pace up and down the shore of the billabong. “I know you warned me, in so many ways you warned me this time would come and it would hurt. Oh God Ace I can’t so this without you.” David sunk to his knees, letting his arms fall limp at his sides and with his head bowed let out a soul wrenching, heart breaking, almost inhuman cry. It consumed him and it wanted to be released. It seemed that he was only breathing to give his cries life; he bent his head back and wailed to the sky as they tore at his chest every time they fought to be heard.
Some of the shine and sparkle left David’s eyes that day never to return. His companions saw the light disappear and worried for him. They had busied themselves helping with the preparations for the memorial service, Darrel had returned but would not speak of Tracey and each morning David would be up and gone before the others even woke. The first few days they thought he may have gone back to the cottage but there was never any sign and Baby Girl seemed to have decided to stay by his side now that Tracey was gone and the cat never left the guest house. She did however always seem to know when he was coming back. She would be waiting on the front steps for him. It seemed that David had shut down. He would not talk; there was no emotion, nothing. The only hint that their David was still in there somewhere was the interaction between him and the cat. He would greet her and ruffle her fur and even make sure she was fed. He would even allow her to sit on his lap and he would tenderly scratch her ears just how she liked but he did little else.
There were only a few more days to go until the memorial service and they all wondered just how David was going to cope.
As David sat on the front step with Baby Girl in his lap Carlos came to sit with him. He had done this each night, never saying anything just sitting but tonight would be different. “David my friend, Please talk to us about how you feel. Let us help you; we all miss her as well. We cannot bear your silence my friend it hurts so very, very much.”
David sighed and uttered the first words he had spoken in over a week repeating what he had said to Simon. “I can’t breathe Carlos.”
Carlos bit his lip before answering. “Then let us breathe for you. Come inside, have a meal with us, for Tracey.”