Chapter 37
The next few weeks were spent in horse riding, and fishing and quad bike races and Sebastien having turned into an over protective husband to the point were Reba was ready to ship him back to England. It was very cute to see. Tracey did not get out much, she spent a lot of the time sleeping these days. In a curious way she felt like her batteries were powering down. A side effect had been that the pain was not as intense anymore. She was more comfortable, Not able to walk very far and having to hold onto the furniture if she did try to move. Sometimes she was just too weak and David would have to carry her. She had made peace with the fact that she was going to die and this thought did not bother her anymore. What did worry her was how David, how Hayden, how the others would cope went it happened. She had tried to prepare them for it and if she could have been certain when it was going to happen she would have gone to a hospital. At times over the past few years she had been able to have some very deep conversations with them all about her health and her death. It had been hard at first but they had each other and she knew that they did bring the subject up from time to time.
This morning she sat outside her cottage waiting for David to bring back a horse. She had wanted to go riding so David had decided that he would take her, both of them on the one horse. Tracey liked that idea, so very close and romantic. She smiled as she saw him riding down the path. He looked so natural and if being on the back of a horse could make him look taller then it did. He was indeed a handsome man and Tracey never got tired of drinking in his beauty.
David dismounted and helped Tracey on to the horse, getting back up behind her and taking the reins. They took a slow peaceful walk down many of the tracks that snaked their way through the property. The day was perfect, the sun shone and yet there was a gentle breeze to stop it from becoming uncomfortable.
On a few occasions David had just let the horse wander where it desired while he hugged Tracey. The animal seeming to sense that this was a special time.
They had been gone for a number of hours when David thought it maybe time for them to go back.
“Think it was time we headed back, don’t you.”
“I suppose. This has been lovely day but I am very tired. I guess you are right.”
David turned the horse towards home and they rode in silence for a while.
Tracey took hold of one of his hands while he guided the horse with the reins. “I love you very much my sweet Merlin.”
David bent down and kissed her on the top of the head. “And I love you Ace. I always will.”
Again they rode in silence as Tracey fell asleep in David’s arms.
Not to far from the cottage David sensed that something was not right. He pulled the horse to a stop and as he did Tracey’s hand slipped from his and her arm gently fell to her side.
“Hey sleepy head. Wake up, you’re getting heavy.”
David got no response so he shook Tracey a little. Still nothing. As she was sitting in front of him, he could not see her face so he moved himself and Tracey in such a way that he could. He went pale and shook her again. “Tracey, wake up baby.”
Again nothing. The realisation of his situation hit like a bolt of lightening but he did not want to acknowledge it. He pulled Tracey from the horse, falling to the ground and cradling her in his arms. He washed the hair way from her face. “Not now, not like this. You can’t go like this. Oh God Tracey.”
David pulled her to his chest and began to rock as the avalanche of tears broke free and the sound that echoed from his depths as he wailed was full of pain, anguish and hurt. He heard that sound flow over his lips as his soul was torn and his heart was shattered. He had only heard a similar sound once before. That night so long ago when Tracey had cradled Urs in her arms.
“Please dear God please not now.” David cried to Heaven. “I want her back. I want her back…” His words drifted off as he wailed and then moaned and then sobbed. His big wide shoulders rumbling with each new cry he made. And still he held Tracey to him unwilling to let her go.
David had no idea how long he had been there but the horse was gone. He knew he could not stay where he was, he had to get back to the cottage at least put Tracey to bed so she was comfortable.
He struggled to his feet and carried her down the path. Unbeknown to him the horse had turned up at the stables just as Urs and Nat came back from their own ride. Urs pulled the horse into the stable and looked it over. “Seems to be ok. This was the one David took.” He handed Nat the reins. “Can you look after them, I want to go and check make sure everything is ok.”
Nat was worried “Cowboy.”
Urs kissed her. “I am sure everything is ok. Knowing David he probably did not tie it up properly. I’ll meet you back at the house.”
Urs drove one of the quad bikes to the cottage but found it empty. He was just about to head down the track when he saw David walking towards him with Tracey in his arms. His heart sank. David was crying and Tracey hung like a rag doll. Urs ran towards his friend as he got closer it was as if David lost the last ounce of his strength and his knees began to buckle. Urs Caught hold of Tracey as David sank to the ground. He looked at Urs. “She’s gone. Urs she’s dead. She just went to sleep she…. Oh God Urs what am I going to do.”
David cried even more. Urs had no words for him, he had no idea what any of them would do. He went to take Tracey from David but he refused. Getting to his feet David carried her all the way to the cottage. Urs walked by his friend’s side unable to comprehend was he was seeing. His own heart ached and his own tears welled up in his eyes. He pulled his pager from his belt and sent out a message that would have the whole family at the cottage with in minutes.
David took Tracey to the bedroom but was unable to release her. He sat on the bed and again rocked while he cradled her.

Urs was standing at the front door when the first to arrive were Nat, Reba and Sebastien. One look at Urs and they knew something was wrong. Reba squeezed Sebastien’s arm. “ Dear Lord. No.”
Sebastien looked from Reba to Urs and he understood. His words choked in his throat and he was unable to speak.
Nat had reached Urs by now. “What is it Urs. Is Tracey sick?”
Urs could not say anything he hoped that Nat would understand as his tears fell.
She looked into his deep, deep eyes and the shock sent her reeling. “No… No…NO!!!” She went to fight past Urs but he stopped her, holding her while she struggled. “Let me go.!!!!” Urs held her until she collapsed into his arms crying uncontrollably. He held her tight fearing he would be washed away in his own grief.
Sebastien was holding Reba as they walked toward the cottage. “David.”
Urs just shook his head and pointed inside.
Carlos and Gillian arrived with Hayden. As soon as they saw the others they understood. Hayden ran down the path, Urs moving out of the way so he could get inside.
They all heard his cry, it was too much for them all to bear.
David put his arm around Hayden’s shoulders and the two men wept over Tracey. “Were you with her David?”
David could only nod. Hayden dried his tears. “Thank you. I never wanted her to die alone.”
David was unable to speak he just pulled Hayden towards him and their heads touched.
“You want some help putting her to bed?”
With Hayden’s help David got Tracey into bed. She really did look like she was just sleeping.”

Outside Sue and Simon came upon the others all sat on the front steps of the cottage each couple trying to console each other. Sue grabbed Simon’s hand. “She’s gone Simon.”
Simon put his arm around his wife. “We always knew this day would come. Damn it, it still hurts.”
Urs Stood up. “David… David. Carried her back. She….” He never finished.
Sue hugged him. “He inside?”
Urs nodded “So is Hayden”
“Ok. You guys go back to the guest house with Simon.”
Urs went to protest but she stopped him. “For me. Gather the others ok.”
Sue turned to her husband. “You’ll need to call the doc. Tell him to bring a bucket load of sedatives with him.”
Nat protested about going back but Sue persuaded her that it was for the best. They needed to help David right now, so Sue watched them all head back to the guest house. Taking a beep breath she entered the cottage.
She found David sat in the corner of the bedroom, head on his knees. She could see his body quiver as he cried. Hayden was sat at the side of the bed holding his mothers hand. He looked at Sue with big questioning eyes the pain in his voice was heart wrenching. “She’s gone.”
Sue was finding it hard to hold back her own tears as she pulled Hayden to his feet. “I know baby.” She could not say anymore just hugged him.
Hayden dried his eyes and looked down at David. “We need to help him Sue.”
Sue bent down in front of David and placed her hands over his own. “David, David…Merlin.”
At the sound of his nick name he lifted his head and Sue almost lost her own strength, he was so despondent, it was so very, very heart breaking to see.
“Come on Dave.”
Without a word David stood and Sue guided him to the door, gently pulling Hayden by the hand as well.
“Hayden, Take him back to the house. I’ll look after your mum until the doctor gets here.”
Neither man spoke, walking back to the house in a numbed cacoon of unbelief.