Chapter 43
Christmas Break


Urs sighed and drained his coffee cup. “Ja, bitte,” he nodded to the cabin attendant for a refill. He needed to be alert.

He took a cautious sip of the steaming liquid, leaned his head back and closed his eyes, still holding the cup by the handle and rim. In a few minutes Cecile would be meeting him at the airport but in the two weeks since he’d seen her all he could think about was Annie Joy.

He smiled without humor, opened his eyes and took another sip. Sitting up, he reached for the puzzle that had failed to hold his attention and read the letters he’d doodled in the margin: TANWFHSUYA - There Are No Words For How Screwed Up You Are. That about sums it up, he thought

If anyone had been taking notes, there’d been nothing glaringly wrong with the reunion weekend as such. As usual he tamped down things he did that annoyed her and funnily enough she also seemed to be walking on eggshells a bit around him. But it was all kinda perfunctory, the words, the hugs, even the sex. Somehow thinking of it as making love made him more than a little uncomfortable, especially since it seemed more about quantity than quality.

Was it a case of familiarity breeding contempt? He’d seen Cecile recently so was that why he didn’t think about her, didn’t really miss her? Absurd! On the ship he and Annie Joy had been together ten days straight and the one day they had not hung out he’d been as antsy as a fly on a griddle.

He could of course claim the hectic merry-go-round of appearances and tapings for Christmas left him little time to think about Cecile, but if he were honest, Annie Joy had been released from solitary confinement and had been roaming his thoughts at will since the day he mailed the CD.

For the first few days he’d been on pins and needles. Had she gotten it? Did she like it? Could she recognize their voices? His voice? Would she write back? Then he received her note thanking him.

His whole face grinned when she told him how perfect the butterfly necklace was, that it reminded her of how far she’d come and she thought of it as her good luck charm. From the way she’d thanked him, almost shyly, for the learner chopsticks he realized she understood that he’d used them not to tease but as a reminder of the special circumstance of their first formal meeting.

His heart about thumped out of his chest as she described her reaction the first time she heard them sing. What he would have given to be there. He could feel her disappointment when he read about the interviews that hadn’t panned out but in the next sentence she was bubbly Annie Joy again, planning the next interview, not allowing anything to keep her down for long. He smiled at the thought. If only he could bottle her free-spirited enthusiasm to help him stay centered when his regimented, compartmentalized, scheduled career threatened to swallow him whole.

He felt ridiculously happy that she’d asked if he’d been practicing his new guitar. He’d laughed out loud at her teasing joke about giving a guitar player sheet music to make him play softer and as he gently traced her signature with his fingertips he knew what he’d suspected since the day they met—his life would never be quite the same.

Finally, he’d thought, we’ve got that behind us. I’ve sent her the CD as I promised, she’s written back. Now… suddenly he ran into the brick wall of his reality. There could be no now. His now was Cecile and it was his own damn fault. How many times, since high school ackshully, he’d hung on and hung on to relationships even when they weren’t working or didn’t have any future? When would he learn?

The steward came by to collect his cup and he raised his seat for landing. Below he could see the runway lights of the airport rising up to meet me.

For now he could not allow himself to consider what ifs; that could come later. For now there was only room for what is. That must be dealt with first. The wheels touched down and Urs felt himself pushed back into the seat as the Captain applied the brakes. The plane slowed and turned onto the taxiway toward the terminal where Cecile waited.

**********

“Aunt AJ, Aunt AJ here open mine first,” pleaded five-year-old Andy almost slipping on the ribbons and paper strewn around the Christmas tree in his haste.

“Whoa, sport. That’s not third base you’re sliding into,” laughed his father. An arm belonging to a tall, lanky version of Annie Joy snaked out to catch him, lifting the giggling little boy high over his head and depositing him safely in front of his aunt.

Annie Joy smiled as she gazed slowly around the room at her family, allowing her brain to capture and store yet another special moment in this year’s Christmas album. Traditions, how she loved them, the 'always' in life--the rituals and customs that built common memories, offered comfort and stability in good times and bad, and created a sense of family identity. But this year was different. She was striking out on her own, beginning a new adventure, and though they’d be together again next Christmas it would never be quite the same.

Dear Rafe, who could ask for a better brother? When he’d come to help her move she’d teased him unmercifully about the tiny laugh lines that had appeared recently in his permanently weather-tanned skin. A young Robert Redford horse whisperer, she called him, watching the blush creep up under his tan. Oh he’d grizzled about needing a flat bed to haul away all her junk but his twinkling eyes and bouncing step said he was loving every minute of it…well maybe not every minute.

She watched Cindy Ann scooping the paper and ribbons into a bag. What a great pair they made. They even looked the part; her shoulder-length wavy dark hair a perfect foil again Rafe’s short blonde cut, both lean and athletically built, with quick smiles and even quicker hugs. A loving couple not afraid of hard work, honest, and as Great Minnie would say, ‘Got on with life instead of standing around jawing about it.’ She would be proud of them and that’s a fact.




“Don’t keep poking at her, Andy, hand it to her nice,” instructed his brother Erik, seven years old going on ten. Evidently he thought Andy needed some brotherly hands on help, which was rejected rather vehemently. Fortunately Aunt AJ rescued the now rather bedraggled present just in the nick of time.

But Andy wasn’t finished yet. He reached up and pulled her head down to his level and whispered, “It’s a berry.”

“Ma!” Erik protested disgustedly as Cindy Ann grabbed Andy’s hand, led him back to her chair and set him on her lap with both hands firmly but gently around his middle.

Since the cat was out of the bag, everyone decided to elaborate as Annie Joy laughed with delight at the gift-givers and the gift when she saw what it was, a Blackberry.

“I thought it would make it a might easier to keep in touch,” Rafe hinted rather heavy-handedly, earning him a look from his wife.

“We know you’re gonna knock ‘em dead, Annie Joy. So now you have a new phone for your new job,” Cindy Ann grinned, thinking of her old battered one.

“And it’ll help you get organized,” Erik, looking very serious. “Miss Stewart says that’s very important. That’s why we have to write down all our homework; so we’ll be organized. Now you can write your homework on your phone.”

“Can I hear it ring? Make is ring, Aunt AJ, please,” begged Andy.

Annie Joy laughed, “As soon as I figure out my phone number I’ll make it ring especially for you, Andy,” she promised with a wink. And I know exactly which ring tone I want, she thought to herself…well not quite to herself. Those darn butterflies must have very keen ears.

**********

Doni heard the knock first and scooted back from the dinner table. This time everyone heard it. “You keep eating, liebe, I’ll see who’s there,” said her husband Jan.

The man outside the door was raising his arm to knock again when it swung open. “Urs!” said the larger man and clapped him on the shoulders as he drew him inside. “What a surprise! Mami told us you had other plans for Christmas. Doni come se…” but the next minute he found himself pushed aside as his diminutive wife launched herself on her brother in a hug that left Urs almost breathless.

Then with his arm draped loosely around her as she laughed, cried, and shot questions at him, Urs went in search of his three and five year old nieces, Sara and Lea. They found him first. It’s like holding two squirming puppies he thought happily as they showed their uncle how much he’d been missed.

Jan had insisted Doni quit badgering Urs with questions and let the poor man eat, which Urs did with relish. How long had it been since he’d had a home cooked meal? Cecile had only a nodding acquaintance with the kitchen and seemed perfectly content to leave it that way and the few dishes she knew how to prepare tended to be repeated with ever-increasing frequency. Urs helped himself to another helping of rosti. Armani be damned, he had plenty of time to work it off…as long as he didn’t make a habit of it.

But even after dinner, Urs remained close-lipped about his plans, only saying they had changed and he’d be home until the New Year.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, especially Lea and Sara’s, Urs declined the offer to spend the night. He said goodbye and in half an hour he was where he needed to be, hugging the wisest person he knew, Mami.

The fire had been banked but the kitchen was still cozy and warm as they sat across from each other drinking coffee, otherwise known as Mami’s invitation to talk. The fact that the apple strudel, his favorite sweet, lay as yet untouched in front of her son was not lost on Mami.

He rested his forearms on the table, letting his hands help tell the story of Annie Joy and later of Cecile. She watched him closely as he spoke, her eyes misty with love and gentleness and understanding and let the silence lie comfortable between them at the end.

“Ja, Urs, before you ask, I tell you that you have done the right thing,” she said proudly as she reached across the table and patted his hand.

“Annie Joy is just so different, Mami. It’s not like I felt with Cecile…or anyone else. I didn’t plan it this way but I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to see if she…if there’s still this attraction now that we’ve been apart.”

“And how will you do this thing?”

“It was too late to get a flight out after I saw Cecile so I stayed in a hotel. I was up most of the night thinking…and I decided to write to her. I told her Cecile and I had broken up and I wanted to see her again. I mailed it at the airport.”

“Do you think she’ll answer?” Urs asked anxiously.

Mami pushed her chair back and pretended to look Urs over. “Strong, a few brains, not too bad looking, a pleasant voice…”

“Mami, be serious,” Urs protested.

She stood, walked round the back of his chair, and hugged him.
“You are a good man, Urs,” she whispered in his ear. “She will answer,” and she kissed the top of his head. “Now we go to bed. It is late, ja?”

“Ja, Mami,” Urs smiled and hugged her as he scooped up his apple strudel and headed upstairs.

At the sink, Mami smiled and shook her head. Her little boy had come home for Christmas.

**********

Rafe, Cindy Ann, the boys and Syd walked Annie Joy down toward the security check.

“Now you’re sure this is what you want, Annie Joy?” asked Rafe.
“I still don’t see why you can’t get training closer to home.”

“I’ve explained all this Rafe,” Annie Joy sighed. “It’s one of their concept centers, a training hub where they work on test and development projects. That’s where my Homeland project fits in. It will only be for a few months, maybe less depending on how the project goes. Then I’ll get a permanent assignment.”

“I’ll miss you like crazy kiddo,” Syd sniffed.

“I’ll call as soon as I get there, promise. The lines are getting long. I gotta go. Love you guys.” And in a flurry of hugs, kisses, and waves Annie Joy gathered up her laptop, shouldered her purse and got in line with her passport and boarding pass for Flight 19 to Chicago continuing on to Stockholm.