Chapter 38
A Lost Connection


Sometimes it’s the smallish things that take up the most room in our hearts.

In Annie Joy’s case it was something as simple as a blue-jeanned arm reaching up to put a carryon in the overhead bin across the aisle from her that set her heart pounding inexplicably. The man turned around and nodded at her politely as he filled the seat beside her. She acknowledged him with a slight movement of her head, turned toward the window and pulled the shutter down.

The steward droned through the safety briefing. Annie Joy smiled to herself as she pictured Urs sitting through the same talk and hugged this small connection to her heart.

The attendants took their seats for take-off. Although she had no visual cues with the shade drawn she could feel the speed increase. In her mind’s eye she pictured an imaginary rubber band connecting Urs’ plane with hers…connecting them. Slowly it began to stretch and as the tension increased to a level it could not withstand it snapped and the wheels left the tarmac. She gave a little start and realized with a shock that she had not felt this lost and abandoned since the day she came to live with Great Minnie.

Remember when you and Rafe used to play at bow and arrow? To hit the target you had to pull back some and then just let go. You need to do that now, honey, go on, it will be OK, you’ll see.

She accepted the pillow and blanket from the steward and was sorely tempted to pull it up over her head as she sank into a black hole of misery. At least Great Minnie understood she needed time to let go of the otherworldliness of the cruise before she stepped back into the real world.

The plane crossed the Pennsylvania/Ohio border and skirted the southern edge of Lake Erie. Annie Joy closed her eyes and Urs’ face smiled at her. She imagined him leaning toward her, his lips drawing closer. She could feel his breath on her cheek, then his lips gently brushing hers. His kiss, tender and sweet, grew more passionate as his tongue slipped into her mouth. She could almost taste him; almost smell his distinctive scent.

“Excuse me….”
Her eyelids flipped open. She masked her disappointment as the steward continued politely, “could you please put your seat to the upright position? We’re getting ready to land in Chicago in a few minutes.”

Automatically her fingers reached for the button and adjusted her seat. She blinked herself awake, rolled her shoulders and moved her head from side to side to work out the kinks. The raised shutter revealed sunny blue sky with gray clouds below.

“Hi folks, this is your captain here. We’ll be a few minutes late landing due to heavy traffic. We’re in a holding pattern right now and we’ll get you on the ground as soon as possible. Sorry for the delay. Right now in Chicago it’s cloudy with a 70% chance of rain. The temperature is 34 degrees and the wind is from the NW at 10-15 mph.”

Of course it’s cloudy; Annie Joy’s landing. What else would I bring except rain and gloom? I could probably rent myself out to drought stricken areas, Annie Joy Graycloud, at your service. She carries her own personal rain cloud wherever she goes. Now there’s a new career if I ever heard one.

Remember what I told you when you got shed of Dr. Doom? Failure is an event, Annie Joy, not a person, that’s what I told you then and I’m saying in again. And if Urs managed to give you the final swift kick in the butt you needed to get you jump-started with your REAL career then I say good on him. So you do what he said, gal. Get back up on that career horse of yours and head off in a new direction. See what’s out there.

Yes, I know Great Minnie, but…

Yesterday ended last night, gal. Time to stop moping and hoping. From the first day you and Rafe come to me you know I didn’t allow any shouldas, wouldas, couldas. You think I’d change now you got another thing coming missy!

The bombardment continued during the two-hour layover but despite Annie Joy’s valiant efforts she was captured, no match for Great Minnie’s war of attrition. By the time their plane took off Great Minnie might have been hoarse but Annie Joy’s mental carryon baggage was noticeably lighter.

At St. Louis they crossed the Mississippi River and Annie Joy raised her white flag in the form of the window shade and signed the terms of surrender: Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

As they crossed the Red River into Texas she began the job of reconstruction. Just as a captured city is divided, she walled off a section of her mind and heart where Urs could reside, safely contained and unable to overrun her every thought or her life.

Far below, the Trinity River snaked like a silver serpent across the dry land as she issued her first command: Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it. She reached into her bag and took out her notebook and after a few minutes hesitation, began sketching.

**********

“Hi Syd. We’ve just landed. Where are you? Great. I’ll meet you at the baggage claim. What? Yes, it is great to be home.”

Sometimes all you can do is smile, move on with the day, hold back your tears, and pretend you’re okay.

“Whew! I’d forgotten how warm it still is even at the end of November,” Annie Joy said as she threw her jacket on the back seat of Syd’s car.

Syd glanced at Annie Joy quickly and turned back to the traffic merging from the other terminal. “You haven’t been away THAT long. It’s has been getting down in the 40’s at night. Perfect weather as far as I’m concerned.”

“I guess it just seems like I’ve been gone a long time. You kind of lose yourself when you’re on a cruise,” Annie Joy said dreamily.

“I’ve got it,” Syd said as they pulled up to the ticket booth.

“No, I insist, I really appreciate you picking me up,” Annie Joy said as she pressed some bills into her friend’s hand.

“Alright, I’ll take it but just so we can get out of here sooner. I want to hear all about your fab vacation.”

“Well I can say I am totally cured of Dr. Doom,” Annie Joy said honestly. ‘But can you get over the cure?’ Urs shouted from behind his wall.

By the time they arrived at Annie Joy’s apartment, Syd had been given the generic version of the cruise, in other words minus Urs the pretend husband or the newlyweds. It wasn’t that Annie Joy didn’t want to share, just not on an extremely congested interstate in the middle of Friday rush hour.

“OK, I got you here in one piece now give. I want all the gory details,” Syd said as she helped heft the heavy suitcase onto the bed. “Any good looking sugar daddies looking for someone to spoil? I don’t suppose there were many hunks floating around huh? You’d better not tell me you didn’t meet even ONE eligible male. I need specifics here darling, even if you have to make them up! Come tell Auntie Syd,” she giggled and patted a spot beside her on the bed.

“Well if you insist,” Annie Joy laughed as she bounced down beside her. God, it felt good to be home, to have a best friend you could share anything with, but most of all to be able to bring Urs out from behind that wall if only for a little while.

So for the next several minutes Annie Joy and Syd laughed, cried, and squealed, as the generic gaps were filled in from the Japanese dinner, to the table of newlyweds, Urs’ rescue, their day excursions, the Newlywed Game, the tattoo, even a santized version of the hot tub.

“So what does this ex-husband of yours look like?” Syd asked when Annie Joy finally finished.

Annie Joy took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. How could she describe Urs?
“He's gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like I’m startled every time I see him because I notice something new in a Where's Waldo sort of way,” she grinned and went on. “More like I can't even remotely begin to describe someone so inherently amazing. Like I’m afraid that if I stare at him too long, I’ll prove Great Minnie right that, yes, my face will get stuck that way but I don't mind.”

She jumped up off the bed and began rummaging deep in her suitcase, “Here, I’ll show you what I mean. I have a pict…” her words froze as her fingers pulled out a small wrapped box.

“What’s that? A present for me?” Syd teased but from the surprised look on Annie Joy’s face there was no doubt who it was from.